Puppy Confusion
by Greenie Lady Knight of Random
Summary: In Shrek 2 a puppy is randomly created by the fairy godmother. This is the story of that puppy. Crossover with Discworld.


Disclaimer: We own none of the characters or events mentioned in this fanfic and will not receive payment of any kind for it. All belong to either Dreamworks or Terry Prachett and maybe slightly to Disney.

Chapter One: Godmother Madness

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away a puppy appeared out of thin air. Well actually not from thin air, but by several complicated magical and not so magical processes that, in some ways, were completely incompatible.

The particular events that led up to the unfortunate puppy's creation all started when a single teardrop fell from a princess' eye. Well, the story that led to that particular princess' depressed state is rather long and complicated and not really relevant to this poor puppy's situation but it had previously included a fantastic display of testosterone at the dinner table. The situation was just so outrageous that it had to be mentioned.

Upon the teardrop falling to the balcony rail, a demented fairy godmother appeared and floated over, in a rather tacky display of magical bubbles, to a very shocked and disconcerted princess. Not that the singing helped matters.

Barely introduced, the godmother burst into a bouncy yet clichéd song. Around this time in Cinderella's castle all the mice disappeared causing quite a commotion among the feline species especially for one particular cat.

Puss had thought he was just about to score a bounty for one of Cinderella's famous dressmaker mice. He was being well paid by one of the evil stepsisters who had finally smartened up and figured out that the mice could make her a dress that would win her a prince. Her plans were thwarted as at that moment, all the mice had disappeared from right under Puss' nose. This, of course, left poor Puss wondering what had happened and how he was now going to get money for his sick mother, garbage eating father, and starving family.

However, the mice were not greatly concerned when they materialized in a never-ending wardrobe due to the fact that the fairy godmother, when she was in a particularly materialistic mood, would summon them to impress whatever small time princess she was interested in. This happened more often than one would think.

Shortly thereafter, a similar disappearing act happened in Beauty's castle. This time it was the furniture, which left several people giving the godmother some very choice words as the bed had disappeared when they were sleeping in it.

Upon the furniture's arrival, the princess' furniture was sent to a separate universe where it fell on top of a man in robes and a pointy hat which proudly displayed the word "WIZZARD" on it. The reason why the princess' furniture was on top of said person was not only because he had been trying to summon a teacup, but also because even though said furniture could be animated, the fairy godmother secretly believed in the Book of Nuggan. One problem with this was that many of the particularly annoying Abominations, such as the color blue and women taking on male roles, were particularly damaging to the godmother's corporate image and lust for power. However, she was willing to obey the book whenever possible and in this instance, Nuggan had declared that the act of animating furniture was an Abomination because the creating of a life force within furniture, disrupted the prayers of the faithful since it created excess voices in the universe which who all immediately asked or rather screamed "Why am I here?" to anything that would listen. The godmother cleverly circumvented this problem by stealing Beauty's furniture instead.

Said furniture started singing along with the fairy, convincing the princess that the godmother had indeed gone off the deep end.

Less than a minute later, the fairy godmother sang the phrase "And oh, what the hey!" and suddenly realized that there was no precedent in princess fairytale history that would rhyme with the word hey. Actually there were a lot of options; it was just that the fairy godmother had failed The Complete History of Fairytale Princes and Princesses Past and Present 101 when she had attended Fairy University. The only reason that she graduated and received her wings was because she had used one of her potions to turn all the staff into llamas. However, one lucky professor escaped such a fate since he had arrived the day after the potion was administered. Upon arrival, he promptly graduated the whole entire school.

This can be explained by the fact that he had just been transferred from another university called Unseen which just so happened to be in another universe. This was also the point when the fairy godmother was introduced to the delights of the Book of Nuggan which the professor had thrown out when he was unpacking his luggage. He never figured out why he would have packed the book of a dead god that still continued to write Abominations even after the god was long gone. For some reason, even though the book is not supposed to work outside the borders of the country of Borogravia, it continued to add them anyways which baffled even the strongest of the god's believers.

Anyways, the only thing that could come to the mind of the unbalanced godmother was "Have a bichon frisé!" at which point a fluffy white puppy came into existence and landed in a shell shocked princess' arms.

Please Review, it would make us very happy. (Us not as in the royal we, but in the fact that both me and my sister are working on this.)


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